Impulsive vs Spontaneous

impulsiveMerriam Webster defines impulsive as, “acting or tending to act suddenly and without careful thought.”

When I was 22 I was definitely impulsive.

I ended a marriage that was never going to last  (especially in light of the fact that he turned out to be gay),  was seeing someone I was in love with, who I’d wanted to be with for years, yet once I had him, I walked away from him.

Bad advice given by close friends convinced me that:

  • His business was more important to him than I was;
  • After my train wreck marriage, I should be living it up;
  • He didn’t like the same fun nights out drinking and dancing that they did so I basically had to choose between 1 night a week with him or every night with them; and
  • They said he was only with me when he couldn’t be with the girlfriend that they convinced me he secretly had.

If I’d have stopped to think, I would have given their arguments against pursing a relationship I really wanted proper consideration:

  • I should have been supportive of his business focus, not threatened by it;
  • I was never a partier, it was a temporary phase and one I ended up not missing at all.  I loved nights in with him; and
  • I should have listened to my heart

Instead I listened to the advice of the friends I ended up parting ways with because we were too different in the end.  They weren’t interested in what would make me the happiest, they were interested in not losing a financial contributor to the many “girl’s nights out” we had in large part due to the job I had that paid well.  When they hooked up, had boyfriends for a few weeks at a time, and ditched me completely for a guy, the same rules didn’t apply and my opinion of their choices didn’t matter.

I hate asking myself, “What if?”  In this case I obviously made a horribly wrong choice that cost me a relationship with promise and, even worse, a true friend.  That “What if” haunts me and I regret the impulsive choice still, 25 years later.

I know my weaknesses and strengths.  One weakness in particular is that routine bores me.  I appreciate and acknowledge that a certain part of life is going to be routine, like working at a career and creating a home & family life.  I need a certain amount of spontaneity in my life to survive the monotony that doing the same things can bring.

Spontaneous: Taking a risk, living life to the fullest, no plans, “don’t think just do.”

spontaneous1I don’t need my life to be a three ring circus, but I believe that every couple needs spontaneity to keep their romantic fires burning, to say connected outside of the demands of family and work life, and that the connectivity mobile phones provide should allow for:

  • A weekday picnic in the park;
  • An unplanned date or weekend road trip;
  • A lunch date that turns into an afternoon at a ball game, walking on the beach or driving along the coast;
  • A surprise vacation or any other unexpected time that gives focus just to us.

Ask my friends and they would describe me as: Focused and organized when things need to be done but I am also the girl that loves adventure, can get ready to go in a flash, goes with the flow when plans change and am always ready to have fun.

I’m glad that age, experience (good and bad) and good people around me have changed me from someone who acts impulsively and acts without giving thought to what the consequences could be, into a person who takes care of her responsibilities yet maintains a sense of fun and sense of adventure.  It makes life WORTH living instead of being something that HAS to be lived. Hmmm

As a reminder, if you are on Facebook and are interested in the things I may not devote an entire blog post to, but that make me wonder, funny quips, photos and other silly things, I have a page followed by more than 1,900 people who find me mildly amusing:  https://www.facebook.com/extremeblondemoments

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